Crying in the Car is For Wusses

cryoutside

I went outside. I went even further than outside, I went outside and got into my car and cried my eyes out. Crying sucks big time especially when you’ve been trying to hold it in. Crying sucks even more when you do it in the car while it’s snowing outside. Why was I crying?  It was out of sheer exhaustion with life. I’m trying to hold a lot together, my business, my home, my son, my sanity. I feel like i’m failing at all of those things.  I had a meeting with a well respected veteran in the fashion industry today and he reviewed my brand and gave me his very direct opinion of my work. It made me want to give up. Half way through our meeting I wanted to pack up and leave but stuck it out because I needed to hear these things. I asked for this but that didn’t mean I had to like it. My skin is no where near tough, let’s just get that straight. I’m extremely sensitive on the inside, I try not to let it show but today was just too much. I didn’t just cry, I wept.  I had come face to face with the reality of my circumstances. You ever look around one day and notice that the carpet is threadbare, your sweaters are moth eaten, and the paint around the windows is peeling, when only just the day before everything seemed alright? That’s the feeling that over took me today as I sat in my car with my disconnected phone, and the last $3.00 I have to my name.  I wondered what am I doing?  What have I done? This is not the life I signed up for and why have I pushed and worked so hard to be in this place? I want to write more about this but right now I just can’t because my head hurts from crying like a sissy in my car.

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8 thoughts on “Crying in the Car is For Wusses

  1. Ham Allen says:

    Alexander’s day ended well!!!! Perk up. I don’t know much about you but from reading your blog and seeing/owning some of your work I can say that you are strong and talented. As today ends tomorrow begins, make it happen.

  2. green eyed woman says:

    that toad simon told jennifer hudson that she was to fat and not talented enough to be a singer. ‘respected’ does not mean right. sometimes scorpios need to be bloodied and near death before we cry. think of it as a gift. it’s okay to say ‘this sucks.’ especially when it does.

  3. Cortney says:

    C’mon over. Mama bird will help you:) *tweet tweet*

  4. daverowan says:

    It’s all good.
    I think the saying applies here: “if it’s not ok, it’s not the end”
    So it’s not ok…….don’t make it the end.
    keep pushin’ Sis!

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