So I met a guy. I try to prolong the appearance of being single and carefree for as long as my schedule will allow, which is usually every other weekend and anytime before 4:15pm (when the school bus comes). So I met this guy and the only way we could work our schedules around hanging out the 2nd day after I met him was for him to come over that evening around 9pm. I’m not June Cleaver and this is certainly not the Cosby Show, so unless Nyquill comes in to the picture, Dave is NOWHERE NEAR going to bed at 9pm. Matter of fact at 9 o’clock he’s more than likely running around asking what’s for 2nd Dinner! I don’t usually bring guys home too early to meet the kid but this time I was like “What the heck, might as well get this over with.” So I’m running around the house doing some straightening up and getting myself together. I was trying to figure out how to be cute, considering that I can’t get all the way “dressed” because its 9pm and I’ve been in the house all day so being too done up would look like I was trying way too hard. By now my son has gotten wind that we’re having company. Notice the “WE”. In his mind, company comes for “US” not just me. I notice he’s doing his own sprucing up, putting on lotion and such, straightening up his toys etc. I’m just about ready to go down stairs to get the guy from the lobby, when I see Dave putting on my sneakers. “Um, where you going?” I say, he’s like “Downstairs, with you.” Tuh, “Oh no you NOT!” Look, the walk from my apt to the lobby is roughly a block, about a 3 minute walk down the hallway from elevator to door. I can control that walk, it’s the last few minutes for me to make a great impression, be cute, even coy and extremely believable as a carefree artist chic. Those precious minutes are the last time for me to GET.IT.IN. And that is precisely what I did. I walked super slow knowing that this could all go out the window as soon as we get back to my apt. As we walked down the hall we laughed, I told my best jokes, batted my eyelashes knowing that each step brought us closer to the unknown. Inside I was praying with all that was in me that David would be cool. The thing is, with him you just never know. So we finally made it back up to my apt. I’m standing at the door and take one last deep breath, twist the knob and open the door into the portal that used to be apt #205. PORTAL. YES. PORTAL. Maybe Gateway would be a better word. My entire apt is dark except for One candle on the island illuminating the solemn brown face of my son who’s perched cross legged on a bar stool in meditative silence. WHY? Why me Lord? I’ve never moved so quick in my life, all in one stride I’d flicked on the kitchen lights, blown out the candle and yanked his legs out of Indian style.
Thankfully the guy took it all in stride even laughing about it a little bit. Luckily Dave was just normal-kid-weird for the rest of the night. So much for first impressions.