YOOOO!! The jig is up, my son just read my blog!! Earlier today after I’d finished writing “It’s a Seance, Meet My Son” I had left my laptop open, with the blog scrolled to the post about “Fake Jordans”. Hungry Eyes was standing next to me begging for dinner when he looked over my shoulder and spotted the post then says “HAAY! What is that??”. I’m like “hunh? Wha What’s What?” “THAT!” he goes, pointing to my screen. I distracted him with garlic bread and spaghetti, but I should have known he couldn’t be put off that easily. Now, why am I trippin? I don’t even know. It’s not like i’m writing lurid naughty mommy tales up on this joint, but in someways this is kind of my private personal…public diary…grown folks talk. Not that I have too many secrets from the boy but still, this is like my space where if I could I’d lock it, put warning stickers on it, and break out my special Lisa Frank pencils and draw hearts with Raki + Idris 4ever in the middle. I digress. After dinner I absentmindedly left my laptop on my desk and went to escape to my bedroom. All was quiet on the home front until about 30 minutes later I heard giggles coming from down the hall. Not just any kind of giggle, they were quiet up to no good snickerings. Next thing I know, Dave walks into my room with my laptop in one arm and an accusatory hand on hip saying “You Weren’t Going To Buy Me Retros!!”. He had read the blog about the “Fake Jordans“. It get’s better, not only had he read that, he had read ALLLLLLL OF THEM! Seriously, I can’t get this kid to read the instructions on a pack of Kool-Aid but he can read all of my blog?! Word. His reactions went like this:
(appalled): “You DON’T WANT KIDS?!!” – in response to “Girdle My Loins”
(mortified): “YOU TOLD THEM I WAS IN MY UNDERWEAR?” – in response to “Bohemian Rhapsody”
(accusatory, disbelief): “Soooo That’s what you were doing at Orrrrientaatioonnnn!!” and ” THERE WAS SNOT INVOLVED??” – in response to “Inappropriate Texts”
I’ve already told y’all that I can’t have nothing to myself right? Any other kid understands the rules of sneaking and snooping. Rule number one being: You find stuff out and keep it to yourself, NOT confront the grown up with your findings and start asking questions. My son hasn’t grasped this, I’m to blame. These are the side effects of teen parenthood. What happened to the sanctity of Grown Folks Business?