Monthly Archives: August 2012

30 Booty

My best friend and I have “coined” many terms and phrases that have over the course of our almost decade long friendship, have become a regular part of our vernacular. One of those phrases is “Thirty Booty.” This describes the gradual lowering and fanning out of the derriere in an east-westerly spread where the behind resembles a soft cube. For some unfortunately high hipped ladies, 30 Booty tends to look like some one dropped one of the table tops cocktail waitresses used to flip over during prohibition raids down the back side of their shirt and got caught between the elastic of their Vicky’s PINK jogging pants. This phenomenon tends to begin in our 30’s

Thirty Booty will show up if unchecked. It seems like in the past couple of weeks I’ve been doing everything to hasten it’s coming out party. I was in Cali for a week and had Belgian waffles every morning, add to that last week I pulled trucker’s hours on the road taking 4 seven hour trips over the course of 7 days. It’s little wonder I look like Sponge Bob Square Pants. THIRTY BOOTY showed up TODAY of all days! I thought I’d grab this flirty skirt that’s been an easy go to for the past couple weeks…I throw it on, I roll out, quick and easy just like that… only this time I didn’t just roll out. I trumbled out. Is trumble a word? I don’t know, but that’s the only way I can describe the equal parts tremor rumble rolling thunder effect created by my thighs made as I pulled my skirt up over my newly plumped legs and angular behind. This ain’t cute! It’s probably not as bad as i’m describing it but still, It’s time to reign it in. But in the mean time (another ism of the homie’s) “I still got Face!”.

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ring ring

THE HOMIE>>> DUUUDDDDEEE, I want a boyfriend today!

ME>>>> What, It’s nice outside?

Explanation: My homegirl called me, and the latter was my reply. Why was that my reply? What does the weather have anything to do with wanting a boyfriend? Well, in my mind apparently, it has EVERYTHING to do with “Wanting a boyfriend today”.¬†Some days are just boyfriend weather.¬†